12 Years an Educator

I hadn't seen anything quite like today in 12 years in education. It started with the most beautiful card from 2 sibling students and their mother. The words brought tears to my eyes...."There is a circle of caring all around...and you are right in the middle." I fought those tears of joy. Then the kids hugging me tightly...crying...saying goodbye to me. Despite my lessons on coping with change and saying goodbye, it remained a tough task for me and them. My heart didn't want to say goodbye.

And then there are those amazing 5th graders. Sweet. Endearing. Living life and being a normal awkward as is expected at their age. As they walked through the narrow halls high-fiving and cheering at the end of the day with the entire school clapping for them, these 5th graders showed all emotions. Most were in tears. They are now leaving their safety nest. They are spreading their young wings. I couldn't help but feel the pulse of pride spreading through my veins as I saw these amazing souls experience change. All the while, it won't be the first or only change.

I so wanted to jump out and hug every single one of them. But it wasn't about me. It was about them. However, I couldn't help but realize in that moment that I was also graduating. You see...I have been in education for 12 years, and just like 12 years of school, I am moving on to the next level. I am 37, but I'm not sure what is going to happen next in my career...other than the fact that I will be with my love living in New York. I couldn't be happier. But the bittersweet piece of all of this is that I am taking a break from work for at least a year, and it's been a long time working with kids that it feels foreign to not be surrounded by them. I'm open to wherever the road takes me, but for today, I want to cherish this special moment. I want to breathe in and appreciate every thing I have lived for during the past 12 years as an educator...as a teacher and as a counselor.

Today, I celebrate all 12 years...all 10 classes that I taught...and the three grade levels I counseled the past 2 years. I am a super nostalgic person, and I reminisce like there is no tomorrow. But I will honor the change we all go through. I trust that these kids' changes will guide them to success, and that my change will be a journey of true enlightenment and love.

So here's to a new beginning!

The Fault in Our Faith

Before I write my first post in five years, I bet you're wondering what Miss Piggy and lipstick have to do with anything...and why is it my new blog title? I hope to keep you hooked. All I will say right this second is that it relates to my past, something undeniably a part of what has shaped me. I do not like pink that much, and I do not wear lipstick. But if I did, would that even matter?

So that brings me to my topic. The fault in our faith.

I know plenty of good churches that do not act the way I am about to describe. I am not writing to condemn people for what they believe in but rather speak to my own truth and understanding.  Unlike so many of my family and friends, I cannot subscribe to the same religious beliefs or even the same idea of God or the word of the Bible. It has never made sense to me.

I believe in God, and I am a spiritual man. But I am a non-believer in religion. I have survived the guilt and shame of being a Mormon as well as having escaped a cult. In that essence, I do not believe that we should be "God-fearing." Why should I fear my God? How is that healing?

Further, I cannot be a follower of some notion if it is used to harm others. Christians prompt us to stand up against evil. I do believe that evil exists, but many evils happen to be Christian. Why do I say that? Forcing people to think and believe through guilt, shame, and humiliation is brainwashing. I should know. I was once brainwashed by a cult that was not even religious.

I find fault in our faith when I see people using their ideology to inflict pain and oppress others and call that God's plan. Faith s personable to me, not something I have to announce to the world. Maybe I will write about my exact beliefs, or maybe I won't. It's something I design as a sort of contract between me and my loving God.

I am very happy with that, and I do not want to be saved.