Ahhh. A walk through Central Park with your loved ones. Marco and I holding hands while carrying our child. Move forward a year or two and imagine the same walk through the park. This time we're holding our child's hand as he or she walks on their own. That would be something. Something incredible. Something only a parent can know and experience.
That experience is something I long for.
Last Sunday, I saw the pure joy that my friends Lindsey and Matt felt when she gave birth to their son, Hayden. I loved and appreciated the tears that rolled down her face when they finally brought him into the suite for them to hold for the first time. The moment was picturesque, and it was truly beautiful to witness firsthand. I know she's going to make an amazing mother, and he's going to learn so much from both is parents.
I love being an uncle. And being a gay uncle is pretty incredible. I get to dote on my little nephews and nieces, either by family or the kids of my dearest friends. However, I don't think there would be anything more fulfilling than having a child of my own.
Today, I watched a show on Logo called Paternal Instinct, which details the journey of a New York gay couple as they bond with the surrogate mother. Several of the attempts failed, and she even had a miscarriage. The guys were feeling beaten down by it and contemplated giving up. Then, in their final attempt, she got pregnant. They had a beautiful baby girl, but they didn't stop there. The surrogate carried their second child, also a girl.
The program brought me to tears. One of the guys summed it up best when he said he supposed he could settle being the uncle and spoil his nieces and nephews or even the children of his closest straight friends. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that they potentially weren't going to be waking up at 3 am for feedings. But those were the things he wanted. He desired that experience as a parent.
After balling my eyes out, that's the same experience that I want. I spent my 20s just growing, not ever thinking too much about it, even though I've always felt this way. I had only hoped for a relationship. Now I'm in my 30s, and it's something that's on my mind a lot more. I don't care the sex of the child, but I want at least one. Probably two.
I believe I have a paternal instinct and would make a great father. I see the struggles the people of my culture go through to just adopt. Hell, in Texas, I can't even be a foster parent. I can't even stand by Marco's side in the hospital legally.
I hope for change, and I believe it will happen. I just don't know how long it will take.
4 comments:
How beautiful this is.
I too wish things were different. I dont't think that anything has to do with sexual preferences, but sex itself. And that's something we all keep to us, and no one is telling us what to do in other areas because our sexual choices. So...
Anyone should have the right to be a parent. If some nasty bad people also has it, why caring loving people like you for example wouldn't? You should. Maybe in a different place, a place where laws let you do it.
Having a child is in fact different than being an uncle (I was an aunt for six years before being a mother). And you have the right to experience this. And so has someone else (to be) the right to have you as a dad.
Go for it, if you can!
Best luck.
Julie
Michael, I know you will make a great father someday. I certainly hope that some child has the lucky privilege. I love you!
It really is heartening to read about your strong desire to embrace fatherhood...
It brings me to tears - rage really - when I read a few months ago how a Dallas mother pushed her 2 sons off a bridge. And I can't help but wonder... how uniquely unjust the world can be sometimes... to those children... and to people who are empty and ready to embrace them if they could.
I don't doubt that you will be a Dad one day - and a terrific one at that! Think of this Uncle venture of spoiling your niece and nephews as preparation ;)
Ugh, my cousin lost his fourth pregnancy (his wife, of course). That's shit too.
Wish your dream come true.
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