Argentina revisited

Ten years ago and one year later. It's been 10 years since I was a naive exchange student living in Buenos Aires, searching for my own identity. A time of a high spiritual presence, yet vulnerability. A time in which I got lost.

Then a year ago, I revisited my path in Buenos Aires for the first time since living there in 1998. It was a true spiritual journey, an awakening of sorts, vengence, and picking my heart back up off where I last left it. This is what I wrote a year ago from my visit back to Argentina. It's hard to believe it's already been a year!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Lipstick, a napkin and my phone number Current mood: hopeful Thanks to Kent and Andrea...and Bianca for reading these. This one will be short because today, to be honest, was tough. Again, a long day of walking. The day started off with a call from Marco around 1015 Bs.As. time. I was still in bed, but it was great to hear his voice! Being in a city as big as Bs.As., which is bigger than NYC, and doing it alone, can be a bit lonely at times. I headed out the door with one thing in mind. Recoleta. It´s hip. It´s posh. It´s got money and lots of great eating and shopping. It also has the famous cemetary where Evita is buried. But I went for the cemetary and the food. And my history there. Walking past Isabel´s house yesterday wasn´t hard. This was ten times more difficult. As I walked slowly up to the wall fencing in the cemetary, I found myself getting choked up. It was hitting me all over again, just like I was there in 1998. Ok, I´m sounding melodramatic, but I´m really not. This is how I felt. Why is that you wonder, damn this computer for not having a functioning question mark key! LOL Nine years ago I stood in the plaza in front of the Recoleta Cemetary singing for money. Not for fun. For desperation. That group that I was involved with through Isabel had me working with two people. Our goal was to have a break through with our biggest fear. For me, that was drawing attention to myself in public. This will make so much sense to so many people now that they hear this story. This group that I was selling myself to made me sing on the streets of Buenos Aires, and I had to earn $30 dollars. Any way I had to, it was expected to be done. Now they didn´t physically force me, but things were so crazy with them that I feared what was going to happen if I didn´t get the money. So I sang the only 2 songs I knew by heart, Somebody by Depeche Mode and Walls by Tom Petty. Of course, I sucked, and I hated every minute of it. I looked like a toothpick because these people wouldn´t let us eat during the ¨trainings¨. My clothes were literally falling off me. While I was singing, an American couple approached me and asked what was wrong. I had no idea what to say but to do anything to get money, and those who know me well know that I do not lie! Well, I told them I was robbed and had no money to get back to the States for Christmas so I could see my family. They asked how much I needed, and I told them how ever much. I was just scared shitless! They were reluctant, but they gave me $10 dollars. I then found out that they were from Dallas too! They wanted my parents´phone number so they could call to let them know I was struggling. The wife didn´t have paper or pen, but she pulled out a napkin and her lipstick. Surprised, I gave them the correct number. I never saw them again, but they came into play to save me later. I eventually made the $30 to please the group. After that, I knew I had to get out somehow. I eventually made it home for the holidays, expected to recruit my family members and fulfill homework assignments for the new age group. While I was home, the man who saw me called and told my mom what he witnessed. I´ll never forget it. I came home from the movies that night, and my family intervened and took my passport away. I never returned to Argentina. I never got to fulfill my goal of living hear the whole year. So that´s the gist of the what happened. Now back to today. I arrived and felt the lump in my throat. I had to fight back the tears. I´m so different now...no longer vulnerable, naive or in fear. But this was a moment that changed my life. This is where I lost my spirituality nearly 10 years ago. And I came to get it back! I sat on a bench near the area where I think I was singing, watching a gentleman sing across from me at that moment. After having enough, I got up and walked into the cemetary. I spent almost an hour, and once again, I came across Evita´s grave. Not as big as you would think, but I have the pictures. Well, this is much longer than I hoped for. But my dad always wanted me to use this information to help educate others. I guess that makes me a spiritual warrior. I gave up so much of myself, my spiritual self, because of this experience in the plaza. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I even refused to speak Spanish. But here I am. I´m stronger than that now, and I got my groove back! It took some lipstick, a napkin, my phone number, and years of enduring life altering events to get it back! But hell, I got it! Happy Friends Day! Chau!

I am revisiting this moment because it was a huge turning point in my life. Going back is something I'll never forget, and it's a moment that I cherish. Even today when I talk to friends about the experience.

And if you wonder what the rest of the journey was like, just take a look at this slice of heaven! Ushuaia, Argentina. The end of the world.

Here I am dog sledding. Amazing!

A view from the train to the end of the world.

But this was the moment worth the 9 year wait and first trip to the southern most city in the world. The Beagle Channel. It's mystical. Haunting. Historical. Beautiful. It's just heaven!