Time to Reflect

The 2008-2009 school year is over. Close it. Burn it. Put it behind you.

Those are some of the thoughts that come to mind when I reflect upon one of the most challenging school years of my teaching career. Unlike last year where I was moved to another school, I was back at the campus I dearly love. I knew I'd be getting a challenging group of 4th graders. But, Lord, I had no idea I'd be getting the hell I experienced. After teaching one of the best 4th grade classes ever, I jumped into the pot of bullies, harassers, low performers, and horrible attitudes.

Picture it. I'm standing right outside my classroom door in the hallway with one eye and one ear plastered to the crack in the door and the other eye, ear and all my vocal cords disciplining a student or sometimes three students at a time. Multiply that by 4 times a day, and you'll see what I experienced every day. Torture. I could never turn my back for one second, or another discipline issue would arise.

My dear friend Cari had warned me before she rallied to get me back at Caldwell at the end of last year. She let me know how horrible this class would be. I had one who spent two years in 3rd grade without having passed the reading TAKS test after a total of 6 attempts. That same kid also enjoyed burning two of my other students with lighters.

On top of the behavior problems, which I'm good at dealing with (but for some reason, these kids didn't change much), I had major academic setbacks with this group. The lowest of the low. No motivation. Consistently bombing test after test. In fact, 2 girls scored a 7 on a reading test. Yes, a lowly 7 out of 100! One of my kids wrote on a kindergarten level.

I tutored after school for an hour 2 days a week and pulled kids during recess for additional help. But grades weren't getting any better. Then the first TAKS test was about to roll around at the beginning of March.

On February 22, Marco and I were watching the Academy Awards like we do every year. Our friend JR was in town from LA. The three of us were very much anticipating the winners. Around 8:30 or 9:oo that night, I got a call from my coworker. She let me know that Cari had passed away earlier that evening. I didn't think I had heard her correctly.

Cari Slider? My dear friend and our school counselor? The one I was running with?

It was true. She died suddenly. And the cause was unknown. Needless to say, I didn't sleep that night, and the following day was the most difficult day at school. I remember having lost my dad the first week of school in 2004, but this was different. Everyone was affected by her loss. Tears were dropping everywhere that day.

In fact, I'm still shocked, even though I know it was a heart attack. But how and why? I guess we'll never know.

The funeral came and went, as did the writing TAKS test on March 3. A group of us that ran with her from work decided to keep our promise to run in the OKC half marathon, which we did. That experience, coupled with the team relay at the White Rock marathon, really united us. That is something for which I'm forever grateful.

And the week after OKC, we hit the reading and math TAKS tests on consecutive days. I had done just about everything possible to help these kids, despite the infusion of spirit and energy from running and the downfall from losing Cari. It was out of my hands at this point.

I just left it up to the kids and God. This being the worst class I have ever taught, I wasn't sure what would come of it. But just a couple of weeks ago, we got the results.

92% passing in math
87% passing in reading
77% passing in writing

That was just my class. The rest of the classes did even better! My jaw had dropped. I couldn't believe that this whole year this class had struggled, failed, and then pulled this off!? I was a mixture of ecstatic and angered. Why couldn't they have worked this hard all year?

As a result, our school is exemplary. That's the first time I've worked at an exemplary school!

The end of the year is bittersweet for me. I'm glad to release the students into the summer and new teachers next year, but I'm saddened to let go of the year because of Cari. I don't want to forget. Death is a challenge. The more that time passes, the more fear I feel of forgetting. And I have been through this with the death of my dad. It feels like a catch 22.

My next step? Look into the GRE so I can get my masters in counseling and follow my heart. Cari would have wanted that.